Diary.

Saturday:
Another day.
Another morning. Fuck. Its all the same EVERY SINGLE day. If only this room was a little bigger and less GREEN.
Now in another 5mins he will come stand here, showing me his yellow teeth, smelling like dead rats. As if the stench of this room isn't enough! He will come, start cleaning his teeth,and tongue, and will show me the dirtiest sight of my life; the foam in his mouth. That dirty white thing makes me want to throw up.
Its better to look at this closed door. I keep wishing for time to stop here.

Sunday:
What do you do when you're stuck, and immobile?
What do you do when you have to look at the same fart-faced fucker every morning?
Im so SICK of my life.
I wish for a miracle. Or an earthquake. I want this place to fall and crumble into a million pieces with me.
Everyday I get dirtier and stinkier. I have splashes of dirty water and spit, there are cobwebs on my back, lizards hiding behind me; I was SO much better off in that previous place. So what if there was a little competition and a little more jealousy? At least there was someone to wipe my face everyday!

Once in a while though, I have a relatively brighter morning. Quite fuckin' bright, actually. This generally happens on days when he brings home his girlfriend. Or wife. I dont know. Im not too sure. I can only hear their muffled voices. Sometimes they're really loud. The closed door cannot really block anything at those times. I dont know about them, but MY life gets a LOT better when the next morning she walks in through that door and walks towards me and stops about a foot away from me. Then she takes her clothes off in a rather lazy (read slow) fashion. Her long, brown, wavy hair falls gently on her shoulders and then on her perfectly rounded breasts. She turns left and right a few times, her soft skin glowing in the morning light. Those five minutes make me want to never leave this place.

Sometimes I wonder though, why, and what-in-Gods-name is she doing with that asshole. He does NOT deserve her. Not even ONE bit. And I dont belong to this place.

I belong with her. I miss seeing her.

Monday:
I know I wrote last night that I miss that previous place, and also why I am still here.
But the two are so different from each other. That place, had SO much more to it. I could see so many people everyday, walking by, smiling, at me, at each other, some actually came and held me, some just looked at me with a blank stare, while some with a more pensive, or sad look. That place had so much life. Everyday was like a new story. I could see myself through all my beautiful friends.

Its really sad that we end up like this. All of us. Alone, in some house, some room, all our life. Some of us fall off though, before our time. At this point in my life I consider those ones lucky. I wish for that end. Anyway I have no life. And one view with all gross things almost carefully added to it.

Tuesday:
THINGS I HATE:

I hate my life.
I hate the fart-faced fucker.
I hate lizards.
I hate cobwebs.
I hate being filthy.
I hate this place.
I hate this smell.
I hate the fact that im small and cheap.
I hate the fact that I can do nothing about it.
I hate when he stands naked in front of me.
I hate everything right now.
FUCK!

Wednesday:
Highlight of the Day:

I almost fell today.
It could have been my luckiest moment.


I really need a miracle. Really.

Thursday:
I wish for something new.
I need to be taken out. I need love and care. I know that she can give me all of that. But how do I get her to take me away from here? One way is to keep getting filthier and filthier. That way at least to see herself, she will have to clean me. For which she will touch me with her soft hands. She will be really close to me. The very thought of it gives me goosebumps. I miss seeing her walk in here. I miss seeing her getting naked. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Beautiful, but distressed. There is so much sadness in her eyes. I really just want her to smile at me once. I dont know why she is that way. But I know its his fault. I dont know what that fucker is doing to her. I hope she smiles when she's not with him. I hope he dies for this.

Friday:
Today the day has been MUCH MUCH better. It actually is probably the best day of my life so far.

He came in today morning and left no stone unturned in showing me the real meaning of the word gross. But, what followed that was scary, but the most beautiful thing that I have ever experienced!

He was standing in front of me, and then, he took off all this clothes. He had a blank stare in his eyes, and then he walked away. After about fifteen minutes of water sounds, he came back and stood in front of me again. This time he was naked AND wet. It was a feeling I cannot explain. But I did hope to shatter into pieces at that moment. I wanted to cry. His hands were on his crotch and I was looking away by then. And just when he started with his almost silent moans, I heard a loud thud, and then a lot of helpless movement, and a lot of crying and yelping for help followed that thud. The screaming dissolved into moans,which were more of excruciating pain this time. Soon even the moans went silent. And then there was no movement. Everything was dead. And so was he. Its been about 11hours since that happened. He's still here. And he's not moving. I have some spots of blood on me. I dont exactly know what happened, but I do know that soon someone will come and get me out of here. Very soon.

Im very happy today!!!