“I've been here before, Alice.”
“Yes you have. This used to be your room. Do you remember?”
“How long has it been anyway? Fucking long, right?”
“Six years, baby. Its been six long years.”
“Fuck. And I can still smell my deodorant in here. Or maybe its just my head. My head as we all know, the funny things it does since the accident.”
“Lets not think about it.”
“Thats easy for you to say. You're not the one responsible.”
“Neither were you. And you think I don't fucking understand how much you had to go through? Who doesn't understand anything is you, Martin. You have no fucking idea how much I..”
“..Yeah yeah now start your little sob story about how you had to go through shit and you couldn't do shit 'coz you were too involved in protecting me, apparently.”
“I don't wanna fight again, Martin. Lets go from here.”
“No. You go. I am staying. At least for sometime. There is too much I have to ask this room. There is so much I still remember, oddly. What a time that was. We enjoyed so much. And suddenly I was held responsible for his death. I was responsible actually. I was. Fully.”
***
Saturday:
Another day.
Another morning. Fuck. Its all the same EVERY SINGLE day. If only this room was a little bigger and less GREEN.
Now in another 5mins he will come stand here, showing me his yellow teeth, smelling like dead rats. As if the stench of this room isn't enough! He will come, start cleaning his teeth,and tongue, and will show me the dirtiest sight of my life; the foam in his mouth. That dirty white thing makes me want to throw up.
Its better to look at this closed door. I keep wishing for time to stop here.
“How you doing, Martin?”
“Pretty fucked up, man. They have told me to go live elsewhere for now. I am looking for a new place, but its too hard to find in the middle of the year, you know.”
“Yeah man. I totally feel your pain. Why did you choose to live with this one anyway?”
“Like I knew the shit was gonna go down like this, man. You have absolutely no idea what I witness everyday.”
“..I'm listening..”
“Dude he like scribbles in his notebook most of the day man, I don't know what, but the intensity with which he writes, fuck! It creeps me out, man.”
“Have you tried reading it?”
“Obviously-fucking-not, Johnny. I'm as it is finding it tough to deal with the visual of it.”
“Move out, man, there is still time. You don't wanna deal with this shit.”
“No kidding.”
Sunday:
What do you do when you're stuck, and immobile?
What do you do when you have to look at the same fart-faced fucker every morning?
I'm so SICK of my life.
I wish for a miracle. Or an earthquake. I want this place to fall and crumble into a million pieces with me.
Everyday I get dirtier and stinkier. I have splashes of dirty water and spit, there are cobwebs on my back, lizards hiding behind me; I was SO much better off in that previous place. So what if there was a little competition and a little more jealousy? At least there was someone to wipe my face everyday!
Once in a while though, I have a relatively brighter morning. Quite fuckin' bright, actually. This generally happens on days when he brings home his girlfriend. Or wife. I don't know. I'm not too sure. I can only hear their muffled voices. Sometimes they're really loud. The closed door cannot really block anything at those times. I don't know about them, but MY life gets a LOT better when the next morning she walks in through that door and walks towards me and stops about a foot away from me. Then she takes her clothes off in a rather lazy (read slow) fashion. Her long, brown, wavy hair falls gently on her shoulders and then on her perfectly rounded breasts. She turns left and right a few times, her soft skin glowing in the morning light. Those five minutes make me want to never leave this place.
Sometimes I wonder though, why, and what-in-Gods-name is she doing with that asshole. He does NOT deserve her. Not even ONE bit. And I dont belong to this place.
I belong with her. I miss seeing her.
“I'm leaving, Martin.”
“Why?”
“I have work. I have to go. Why do you have to ask stupid fucking questions when you already know the answers to them?”
“O-KAY lady, chill the fuck out! No need to get all pissy on me. I just asked 'coz its 1am and its not safe for you to walk around alone.”
“Oh fuck off, Martin! Stop pretending to care!”
“I do care! I was just gonna tell you that I'm coming with you to walk you home.”
“No you weren't. This is again one of your fucking pretentious acts because you just want to get me naked.”
“You know what, Alice, fuck off. Get the fuck out of my house right now!”
“I wasn't planning on waiting, either. Dick-head.”
Monday:
I know I wrote last night that I miss that previous place, and also why I am still here.
But the two are so different from each other. That place, had SO much more to it. I could see so many people everyday, walking by, smiling, at me, at each other, some actually came and held me, some just looked at me with a blank stare, while some with a more pensive, or sad look. That place had so much life. Everyday was like a new story. I could see myself through all my beautiful friends.
Its really sad that we end up like this. All of us. Alone, in some house, some room, all our life. Some of us fall off though, before our time. At this point in my life I consider those ones lucky. I wish for that end. Anyway I have no life. And one view with all gross things almost carefully added to it.
“Hey man. You OK?”
“Yeah Martin. I'm fine. I'm fine.”
“You wanna get out of this room? You've been in here forever, man. Its not good for you.”
“No Martin. I'm fine. I'm fine.”
“..Dude?..listen..really..lets go out for a walk, what say?”
“You know, Martin, it used to be the living room. it was the first room you saw when you entered the house. thats when it had one door. now this thick, unpainted ply-board disguised as the main entrance to the room, has been screwed into a void that led to the rest of the house. this door is fixed in one corner of the smaller sides of the rectangle. and now its become my bedroom.”
“I know, man. We moved in together, remember?”
“Yeah Martin. I'm fine. I'm fine.”
“OK. I'm gonna get a coke. You want?”
“this other smaller side of the rectangle, which faces the main door, had a nail in it, about 7 feet above the cold, spotted-tiled floor. From the nail hung what looked like a ladder, but was actually a piece taken out of a thick wire-mesh which people attach on naked windows. On the ladder there were two figures. The one on top was the Joker's action figure, and it looked like it had climbed the ladder and was victorious. The other action figure was Batman, hanging off the ladder by one foot, defeated in a way.”
“I know man. I know.”
“What you do not know, Martin, is that I was better off at home, you know. This is not how it was supposed to turn out.”
“Dude, I'm just gonna be back, OK?”
“Martin, wait! The two windows of this bedroom are not naked. they are bonded into the longer walls of this shoe box, which face each other. The windows have horizontal bars on them, and they're clothed with off-white curtains. The bigger window faces me right now, and extends down to about a foot above the floor. at its base is a thick, single mattress, that is covered with a white bed sheet which has green stripes on it. Two pillows, both with beige colored pillow covers, lie on this bed. There is also a neatly-folded, earth-green colored, thin blanket at the foot of the bed and..”
“..Oi! Why are you describing the room to me!?”
“Haha! I don't know, Martin. But I'm fine. I'm fine.”
Tuesday:
THINGS I HATE:
I hate my life.
I hate the fart-faced fucker.
I hate lizards.
I hate cobwebs.
I hate being filthy.
I hate this place.
I hate this smell.
I hate the fact that I'm small and cheap.
I hate the fact that I can do nothing about it.
I hate when he stands naked in front of me.
I hate everything right now.
FUCK!
“He was describing the room to me, sir! And I had just asked him if he wanted a coke! He needs help, sir. I don't know what to do.”
“Look boy, you have to remain calm. This is a delicate situation we're dealing with here. I am trying to do as much as I can, but there are authorities above me, too. And they seem to have too much on their plate.”
“But sir this is important! This is about a student of yours!”
“I know, Martin. OK. I'm gonna go right now and talk to them and I will get him help. Is that OK?”
“Yes.. yes sir. Thank you.”
“Martin! Martin! Where the fuck are you sprinting to, man?!”
“Oh. John. Hey. I am going back to my house. He needs help man. This shit is getting real ugly.”
“Why what happened now?”
“I was chilling in my room, and then I tired to make conversation with him, asked him if he wanted a Coke, and dude, fuck, he started describing our room to me?! Like how fucking crazy is that?!”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. So. See you later, yeah?”
“Wait. Dude, you sure they wont find out right? I don't wanna get stuck into this shit.”
“You think I want to? Why do you think I'm being so active about this?!”
“OK, man. Just make sure my name doesn't pop up, yeah.”
“Then just stay out of it now and don't discuss this with anyone.”
Wednesday:
Highlight of the Day:
I almost fell today.
It could have been my luckiest moment.
I really need a miracle. Really.
“Martin I'm scared.”
“Shut the fuck up, Alice. This is not the time.”
“No! This is the time! So you shut the fuck up and listen to me!”
“...”
“He keeps looking at me, Martin. I'm really scared. Not of him. Just that look. Its really sad. Its like, he wants to say a lot to me, but cant. And it seems like he is really scared too. He didn't ask for this, Martin.”
“So what? You're saying that I did this to him?! Look, Alice. It was always his choice. I did not hold his hand and drag him into it! Its not my fucking problem if these fucking people come all the way here and take steps that they cant handle, just to fucking fit in!”
“It is your problem, Martin! It is yours, mine and Johnny's problem! If you go back to the roots of it, you will realize that we are the ones who did this to him. He was just an innocent boy with a lot of talents that made him friendly with us. We did not have to do this to him!”
“Why don't you just shut up and get the fuck out of my face right now?! I don't need this shit from you, OK!? I am trying to help him here! I am trying to h...”
“..its not gonna help! Nothing will help! Look at him sitting there! He has been there throughout this conversation and he hasn't even twitched his eye once! You see what we've done to him?! Do you?!”
Thursday:
I wish for something new.
I need to be taken out. I need love and care. I know that she can give me all of that. But how do I get her to take me away from here? One way is to keep getting filthier and filthier. That way at least to see herself, she will have to clean me. For which she will touch me with her soft hands. She will be really close to me. The very thought of it gives me goosebumps. I miss seeing her walk in here. I miss seeing her getting naked. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Beautiful, but distressed. There is so much sadness in her eyes. I really just want her to smile at me once. I don't know why she is that way. But I know its his fault. I don't know what that fucker is doing to her. I hope she smiles when she's not with him. I hope he dies for this.
“Dude! Martin! Alice! Open up!!”
“What the fuck, Johnny!? Its 7 in the fucking morning! What the fuck are you doing in my house?!”
“I'm sorry to show up like this, Alice, but you guys have to see this!
“What is this?”
“Its today's newspaper, Martin Stevens, thats what it is! Wake the fuck up, you sonofabitch! Check this out..we're so SO fucked, man!”
“Oh my God. Someone please read this. I cant.”
“...it says.. Aniruddh Dube, 23, died yesterday, the morning of November 1st, 2011,
due to heart failure caused by overdose.
He was born on the 14th day of February 1988, attended St.Joseph's Co-Ed School,
where he was always an above average student, and also a member of the school basketball
and cricket team. He graduated from Srishti School of Art,Design and Technology with a
professional diploma in Animation. He had just transferred 4 months back to the Emily Carr Institute in Vancouver, Canada, for his Post-Graduate Diploma in Animation.
He had always been identified as an artist and animator with brilliant skills. his films, though few in number, have won honors and awards at a number
of National and International Film Festivals.
Aniruddh is survived by his parents, a younger brother,
and grandparents and cousins, and a loving family.”
“...fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh my god. What else does it say, Johnny?”
“..calm down, Alice, let him read..”
“..it says....A brilliant artist,a musician of unique talents, loving brother and son and a kind-
hearted human being, Aniruddh's presence in our lives will be sorely missed and we know
that his soul will find peace and will shine in Heaven.”
“Oh my fucking God. Now the cops will be after me since I'm his roommate. Oh fuck.”
“Martin, man, just don't let my name come up yeah?”
“Shut the fuck up, Johnny. We're all responsible.”
“Wait. Switch on the TV. Now. Where the fuck is your fucking TV?!”
“Its in the other room. Lets go.”
“OK where the fuck is the remote?!”
“Here.. switch it on..”
“...and those were images from the room Martin and Aniruddh shared. Police has sealed the area and has found in the attached bathroom, where Aniruddh's body was found, this diary, that he supposedly wrote. It seems a lot of questions will be answered through that diary..as of now the police has found the diary entries to be written from the point of view of a mirror, yes thats right, a mirror. After speaking to the school authorities and some teachers, its been made clear that Aniruddh, under the clear influence of drugs, had lost his state of mind, becoming delusional, and insane. The police is moving on to questioning Aniruddh's roommate Martin and his other close friends..
for now all we can show you, and what we have been given, is the last diary entry Aniruddh wrote..and this is what it says....”
“Friday:
Today the day has been MUCH MUCH better. It actually is probably the best day of my life so far.
He came in today morning and left no stone unturned in showing me the real meaning of the word gross. But, what followed that was scary, but the most beautiful thing that I have ever experienced!
He was standing in front of me, and then, he took off all this clothes. He had a blank stare in his eyes, and then he walked away. After about fifteen minutes of water sounds, he came back and stood in front of me again. This time he was naked AND wet. It was a feeling I cannot explain. But I did hope to shatter into pieces at that moment. I wanted to cry. His hands were on his crotch and I was looking away by then. And just when he started with his almost silent moans, I heard a loud thud, and then a lot of helpless movement, and a lot of crying and yelping for help followed that thud. The screaming dissolved into moans,which were more of excruciating pain this time. Soon even the moans went silent. And then there was no movement. Everything was dead. And so was he. Its been about 11hours since that happened. He's still here. And he's not moving. I have some spots of blood on me. I don't exactly know what happened, but I do know that soon someone will come and get me out of here. Very soon.
I'm very happy today!!!”
---------
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